The Complex World of My Thoughts (1985)
Ernest Andia
Todd and Honeywell, Inc.
Self-published book collecting a retiring psychiatrist's 2673 aphorisms, apparently scribbled down in between sessions over the course of his career. One thing is clear about Andia's "world of thought"--he hated hippies, psychoanalysis, communism, zoophilics, and atheists. I imagine if you were a communist hippie seeking his help in the early 1970s, you most likely would have ended up in a State Hospital. He also appears to have a certain fascination with cows, as well as the occasional complete non-sequitor. Among his gems:
37. RESIGNATION is the portrait of a cow's face.
156. TREES do not speak but moan when the wind punishes them.
171. TEENAGERS are the apostles of schizoidia.
286. WHEN cows disappear from this planet we will return to cannibalism.
412. DOGS or cats plus children or teenagers means LEUKEMIA
507. PSYCHOANALYSIS is a noxious influence to the normal brain.
572. IN old guys, a falling drop from the nose in always prevalent.
685. "GOD is death"-said Nietzche. "Where is Nietzche?"- asks God (apparently misread off a bathroom wall).
828. SOON, helicopters will replace bicycles.
898. PICCASSO is a glorifier of his own mental retardation.
1087. INTELLECTUALS are the asses saddled with a title, on which their slaves mount.
1111. HADES smells like corpses.
1130. ABSTRACT words are like bubbles of champagne tickling the funny noses of stripped girls.
1166. EVERY hippie thinks his hair is marvellous when uncombed.
1203. PEOPLE do not smile when they defecate.
1363. WHY is Jennie not a nice name for a good secretary?
1479. THE modern tele-operative robots will overcome man whose brain is worn out.
1528. HOMOSEXUALITY, drug addiction, and delinquency are the components of a magic table of three legs.
1530. MEN have a vacation from women's blabbings only once a year, for one or two days, in February.
1546. WHY, when a little girl discovers she is not a boy does she weep?
1733. THE mental retarded and demented people are the best friends of dogs.
1961. IF the dogs talked, men would bite them.
1987. ANY activist is a telecontrolled moron.
2659. ZOOPHILICS die barking at God.
2671. A dog or a cat plus a child means leukemia; plus a woman means hysterectomy; plus a zoophilic means mental deficiency with sexual perversion.
FINAL ENTRY
2673. HE who does not think, discuss, judge or write as I have done till now, will never have problems.
As we get to the later aphorisms, Andia's "complex thoughts" become increasingly racist, sexist, and homophobic--which provides what is perhaps the book's most valuable lesson: be sure to investigate your analyst thoroughly before beginning any sessions!
